holy crap. it's been 3 years since i've blogged. and hell of a 3 year period i must say. life has definitely changed. friends have come and gone and new ones come again.

just an update for this dead blog:
my course marks have been at their peak in my entire university level, straight As, thank the Lord. my health has been fine, but gaining abit of girth which can still be trimmed after graduation. my family is great, bro had a baby darling girl, Charlaine, grandma's still alive and kicking, parents are healthy, mom is retiring, dad is doing well in his new job. my boyfriend is still the most loving as always, my potential life partner. my current friends are the best, shahzia, jenn, huiting, lovelle, nasser, cici, billy, marcel, atsushi, john, bryan, jj, mike, lynda, aaqil, amy, andrea castro, andrea ma, andy, steph, wilson, derek, mannissa, fiona, kathy, sarah jafri, juwairiah, fatima, ljiljana, you guys are awesome. i was close to being convinced that nice people don't exist anymore, the true genuine friends who don't secretly use u or take advantage of your company, your love, your support, your trust, who thinks that you're always second best, not worthy of their attention. let me tell you, if they do these things, they are not your friend, therefore, you should let them go their way and release yourself from these leeches, who will only drain you dry. hm, ok what else, applying for science jobs. gonna save up money, send some home, get an apartment, a car, get married, apply for masters for physiotherapy at western, mcmaster or toronto university.

life at its best, no complaints. i've let go of the past, and have moved on. i no longer wish any harm to befall anyone, i go my own way, they go theirs, if i ever see them again, i am not obligated to say hi or be nice to them because forgiving someone does not mean you have to be their bestfriend again or be nice to them again, you have the choice to decide not to have anything to do with them having known they don't do well as friends. no hate, no anger, just being wiser. no connections. that's what letting go is truly about.

i live my life. i am entitled to my opinions, and you are entitled to yours. but keep in mind, your opinion will not have any alteration on mine. because my opinion weigh more in my world. and you yours.

peace out.

i want a sound proof room in my future house.
a light cream colored front door with a wreath.
it would be suburban. like in Father's Bride movie.
i want to adopt a child, a girl.

I want a dog, Beethoven.
I want another, dalmatian or a shetland sheepdog.
or alaskian mule.

I want to have soprano singing lessons.
listen to classical music all day.
make my future house look elegant and fresh.

i want flowers in my house. lilies. white lilies.
i want lots of white light in my house. bright and awake.

i want a mazda or lexus suv, lexus hybrid or bmw.
i want stairs in my house. black railing. modern.
cant decide: warm or contemporary? city or suburban?
hm...

most straight to the point entry:
I as a lab research assistant.
work term coming to an end.
I made a presentation.
I presented my lab work results to lab and 3 professors.
3 professors were very impressed.
they offered me a job to come back next work term.
no need to find work.
new area of research.
I cloned a gene and made a recombinant protein.
I am going to move onto cell cultures.
applying genotoxic agents to fish cell cultures.
i'm happy and thankful.

finally got the layout i want after all this hard work of freakin editing the html word by word... i'm a complete clueless newbie about html. so this was a big challenge for me. i didnt give up! i spent 8 hours on this blog. so im not gonna change it for a long long while.

im at dana porter library, everyone's tirelessly stressing out for coming finals and i'm chillin like a lark. well, i have important stuff to do to. like making an impressive presentation for tues i have to present the work i've done so far in the lab to three profs + lab audience, a total of 8-11 people. great deal for me. great fright, maybe. so i'm procrastinating.

gotta head to the lab to continue some last minute work. check for protein fluorescence bound by antibodies. alright. tadas.

i was browsing through mcat books i've found in the quiet room across my lab. since i was delegated the task of researching on RPA gene in other fishes. which i tried half-heartedly to do so yesterday, that yielded me one paper. hopefully my boss would be satisfied when he sees the paper on his desk. he's out again...

after the interesting demonstration by my friend Carol doing nitrocellulose plating, and talking to Ilea while he waits for his LB/Amp media to cool, that really lifted my spirits up. if not i would have dragged my feet in the dust, gliding lifelessly into the quiet room for yet another day of research...

back to the mcat books, i decided to try my luck on one of the questions inside and browsed through the material. i checked the answer on the back and i got it right! this stirred up my already existent fiery passion of becoming a doctor, which led to my fervent prayer to God, telling Him my desires and also seeking His perfect plan.

i really want to become a good doctor, working in a hospital, my favorite setting. and then earn enough money for my beautiful dream house, with awesome kitchenette and perfect rooms. save money for honey moon and travel to my dream destinations Italy and Paris,... etc. and of course the kids' education and beautiful clothes... last but not least, give my parents the retirement they've always wanted.

i trudged heavily through the snow today. the snow that blew into the crevices of my shoes was gently nudged aside with each step. my warm cheeks felt the stinging cherry stain imprinted by the whooping wind. i bent my back and stooped a little as the wispy Pinus leaves swiped across the top of my head. as the wind picked up its speed my steps quickened, i headed for the door that welcomed its way into its warm cove.

i stopped, just a few steps to the door, i felt something warm and viscous trickling down my near-frosted arm. quite alarmed, i turned to swab my arm with my mitt. i thought i hallucinated for a while but the nipping cold jolted me to my senses. it was blood i was seeing, thick red. i realized i had been bleeding for quite some time...


(fiction- just bored)

beneath your false exterior is your brokenness. your fragile confidence. your empty soul. your crashed mind. your doubting spirit. your weak system. your self denying voice. your haunting thoughts. your oppressing state. your wounded heart. your pained memories. your sullen dreams. your pitiful sorrow. your endless agony.

i wish you well.
>:)

what am i becoming?

...........................................

:O

i slept at 6am last night watching iron chef America and top chef on food network. the dishes they displayed were phenomenal. it's like who would have thought of burning/scalding the black bass skin with a Bunsen burner before it's being cooked so it'll get the crisp and risen look. now THAT was ultimate.

I'm not proud to be a nocturnal mammal but i can't deny that i am one. I've been up til 4 am for about two weeks now and waking up at noontime. i was roused by the alarm clock, yes, alarm, who sets an alarm during holidays? it was... for an errand to run. i had an appointment with the optometrist, they won't see you if you don't and they're not there all the time. opticians can't do eye exams for you, each eye exam costs $50. each pair of glasses costs $300 at a discounted price. so, tell me, isn't this MADNESS? ha ha, i got my prescription the other day, and the optometrist left out a PD box... for Pupil Distance. Because of that, I couldn't make my glasses, so i returned today with an appointment, but another eye doctor was there, he told me i have to return tomorrow with another appointment to see the SAME optometrist that rendered the prescription to measure my PD. this was of course, no surprise, since blunders as such often occurs in Canada. i just hope i don't have to pay another $50 just for my PD, which HE left out.

though sapped by the sun and frazzled by the limited rest, my bf and i headed off to this warehouse that sells all designer brands, so prices were cut from $249 to $117 and such. I am broke so I didn't get anything even though my fingers were hurting from the restraint. we lumbered our way to Canadian tire where i bought an snug laundry bag and two gigantic storage containers. We bypassed Tristan & America where i tried on some outfits; the sale was bizarre -- from $75 to $10. accessories at $2 and belts at $5. it turned out i didn't buy anything because i didn't like the fit and am not an "accessories" fan. our final stop was Dollarama, yeah, where all the worthy stuff lies, sold way below it's value. a well spent $27 indeed, i got everything i wanted.

came home to check my email and my marks for inorganic chem were finally out. it was an impressive mark i would say. Praise God! i wouldn't have traded it for any lower, duh. i am very satisfied with it. Praise God again!

now, some rest would do me good...

there is no reality but perception. everyone lives life through their own individual filtered perception, everyone has their own view, opinion, thinking, mindset. and because of that, people make different decisions on how to live their life and live it differently. through every different perspective, this is what makes living life interesting.

alot of people i know can grill! yes! hence the reason why i'm always the one indoors and waiting the food to be served, what a slob... i know! so i'm not exactly in a very good position to give out grill advice. but hey wait! the TV has taught me stuff. chefs have taught me stuff through it. so here it is:

when grilling food, always make sure that griller/grater(whatever you guys call it, i have no clue) is oiled, or if no brush, make sure the food is oiled. BUT! make sure the food is dry (pat with a paper towel) and then oiled. cuz the water in the food evaporates fast, and will leave your food really dry and you would want your food to be juicy and nice. also, water is the key thing that makes your food STICK TO THE GRILL and don't come off! so if you want your shrimps to look good, put OIL not water!

this is a must-learn for all sorts of grills, even korean grills, barbecue grills, restaurant grills. for sgporeans- seoul garden.

have you ever had such freakin' good food that you wished it would have just stayed in your mouth a little longer? mouth-watering, juicy, tender, creamy, scrumptious, delightful, palatable, full-bodied... i wish i could meet someone just as passionate about FOOD as me. because when i talk about food and fine dining, it's like a trip to heaven... or for bad food?... a trip to hell.

check out allrecipes.com
that's where all my inspiration comes from, to create and invent my very own special meals which often turn out incredible, had some tasters. or you could stick to the recipes, but be creative and always work with what you have in your fridge! you won't regret it! but picture the food, and imagine how it will look and taste before you make it. fyi that's my talent.

i was researching on parenthood today after watching Dr. Phil on TV. it's never too early to plan! or i could pass what i know to my brother (already married and soon to have kids- maybe about 2 or 3 years?) www.drphil.com has all the cool articles on everyday life. e.g. how to create a phenomenal family

i will post up the notes i've gathered after i compile them. catch it later.

if i fall short of anything, feel free to comment.

blush
lipstick
4-tones brown eyeshadow
basic eyeshadow
eyeshadow of your choice
oil-free moisturizer
light-weight foundation
primer
loose powder
white/black eyeliner
eyebrow liner
lip plumpers/gloss/moisturizer/balms
mascara
tweezer
brow shaver
nail clipper
brow trimmer
brushes
bronzer
vaseline/baby oil
cotton pads
facial tissue/kleenex

if i fall short of anything, feel free to comment.

trench
red/gold/black pumps
leather sandels
black/red/grey cardigan
a watch
pearl ear studs
hoop earrings
low-heeled black ceremonial pumps
working leather bag
beach tote bag
backpack
gymbag/shoebag
clutch
casual hobo bag/handbag
visor
sunglasses
nail enamel
black working pants
black working skirt (half knee or just above knee length)
white blouses
white/grey tees
black/white/pastel undergarments
sport shoes
red/maroon/grey/yellowish-orange/black tank tops/long sleeve
bikini
swimsuit
luggage
loafers
blazer
fitting jeans/skinny jeans/skinny black cotton pants
black panty-hose/slacks
fitting jacket for casual occasions
black dress for party/formal
grey wool wide leg pants
pointed toe boots
shiny black peep-toe flats
nice cap/hat

i was brought to my knees today when the perplexing issues of life once again flooded my mind. i came to the cross and knelt at his feet for direction in silence and in humility. i confessed that i have sinned, and have neglected Him, haven't been giving Him the deserved authority and honor in my life, yes He could take it all away with one swift wave of His hand, but His love is the greatest, and He has forgiven me. So I thanked Jesus for dying on the cross as the propitiation for our sins that I am cleansed by His sacrifice. I once again crowned God the King of my life that He is in charge, and as i did that, i felt my minuscule world that was once overshadowing and choking now shrank into non-existence against His Almighty presence. I knew at once that if I have Him, every problem in the world can be solved, every situation triumphed, every circumstances met with victory, everything and everyone else just paled in comparison.

i realized I miss God's presence.

i think ratatouille is a very good movie. i watched it with my bf yesterday. it makes me want to cook and EAT! lol. i called up one of my old friends and my parents yesterday. they were pretty happy i called.

anyways, my bf and i bought some blue cheese and some good french baguette. i learnt from the movie that to see if bread is good, you need to hear the crunch when you squeeze it, not taste it, not looking at it. it's hearing the marvellous symphonic sounds of crunching bread. the movie also inspired me to go to Paris! for my honeymoon... Italy(Venice, Rome, Florence/Bologna) and Paris, food, food, FOOD! is my passion!

exams are over on 11th. so it's been 8 days of holidays. helped my bf move out, spent some time at his place in Toronto. Playing some foozball, running some errands, did a little shopping, went to Lakeshore to feed some ducks, played some x box and DS, watched Simpson's movie, cooked some food, watched some TV...

now we're just chilling in the basement, eating $3.99 Ben & Jerry's ice cream, more TV, DS....
blah...

though it's not my home. but it's surely a place i return to. it feels homely and warm, with freshly home cooked food and family gathering to watch TV, snacking on popcorn and chips. enchanted by the drawer full of goodies -- cookies, chips, chocolates, popcorn, candies, crackers...etc. life is good.

finally returned to my bf's home, his parents are really hospitable and sweet. :) and i haven't tasted good home-cooked food for such a long time. we're gonna meet up with some of his friends much later, maybe tomorrow.

p.s. i just realized that the suburbs of Canada does resemble slightly of Malaysia. As i was cruising in the car, my roving eye caught sight of the connecting power lines, the long roads, the low-rise buildings, terraces, private apartments and lots of green trees lined like accompanying forests aside the highway. it brought be back in reminisce to my trips to Malaysia when i was a child, visiting our much-loved relatives back there. oh how i miss those days...

If i were to die in a few months, and if i can do four things (achievable)
I would,...

...go horseback riding
...lie under the stars with someone i love
...have a dinner at a fancy restaurant with all my friends and eat lobster
...go to the zoo with my parents

by the way, i got to be an orientation leader after sending in my resume and going for an interview. it's a small step to leadership for me! Thank God for giving me this opportunity!

i think I'm gonna join sorority next term. so all the best to co curricular activities and balancing with academics!

just a few minutes ago, i felt i had to send an email to my fellow christian brothers and sisters. i felt since life is what you make of it, i shouldn't miss this chance. and once you've encountered death, you'd realize that nothing in this world matters that much anymore, by nothing i meant THING not person. one day, we'll all die and realize that ok, life's just that.

cut straight to the point, here's the email i've forwarded to all of them:

Subject: To all xxonites whether still attending or not, please forward if you find this meaningful

Here's a heartfelt message and blessings to all of you in XXON:

although i don't attend there anymore and im away overseas but I still want to share this with my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I've attended so many churches to see how different people express themselves in worship and to expose myself to different types of preaching because to me, it does not matter where you worship as long as you gather with other believers.

There are times when we feel we're at a spiritual high and we get so passionate about God that we really express our love to God and go on and on about Him. But when the passion fades, or as days go by, we start to express ourselves less and less. If that happens to you... then you should go back to God and tell Him, rekindle the fire for Him again, the King of all Kings, Jesus, victorious, saved our lives! We should celebrate that joy everyday of our lives and not let the things of the world bother us so much. We go to God with whatever we have, and He'll carry it. Don't carry the burden yourselves, whatever problem you're facing, go to God. We often get so tired that we don't have the energy to go back to Him or find excuses not to. If that is you, then all the more you should spend more time with Him, then His peace would increase in Your life. Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7. He wants us to approach Him, He loves us so much He wouldn't find our problems a bother for such a busy busy God, He will always have time for us.

During worship, do express your love to Him. I think everyone should gather not for any other reason but to purely thank Him for what He has done in our lives and in our week, in our family or in other people's lives, or simply express your honor and love for Him. Don't just give mental assent, express it. David in the Bible danced and sang Psalms to worship God, and it gave joy to both him and God. so just between God and you, if everyone was to really express your love, i am sure less people would be shy to do so.


The Bible tells us that small things that may not seem to us of great value matters to God.

"What is that in your hand?" God asked.

"A rod," Moses said. And with that rod, he performed miracles and confounded the might of Pharaoh.

"Five loaves and two fish," a little boy said. And with that little boy's lunch, Jesus fed 5,000 men besides the women and children, and his disciples gathered 12 basketfuls of leftovers.

"The jawbone of an ass," Samson said. And with that, he slew a thousand Philistines, who were the enemies of God's people.

"Five stones and a sling," said David the shepherd boy. And with one of his stones and the sling, he brought down Goliath, the mighty Philistine champion dressed in full armour.
Even humming to a tune of a song as long as it's for God, go ahead and show Him how much you adore Him, Jesus, our Lord Almighty.
A little thing God cherishes most. Also, as the fire in the church starts off with a flame, it begins to attract non-believers' interest as in what's going on? and they'll like to find out. because they want to know where we get the joy everyday in this dark world. a flame shines bright in the day, even brighter in the dark. Let us shine for God, and represent God as his child to reflect His love and His kindness, instead of showing a face downcast or burdened. We should celebrate the joy of Jesus coming, til He comes. This is heaven on earth.

--
Cheers
Catherine Tee